There are places inside of yourself you don’t want other people to see, the places where you hold your fears and insecurities, a place you hide the things that feel like they could break you. I have to face those places every day. It’s funny how they tell you the heart can only take so much. I wonder at what point mine will have reached its max. I’m tired. I am 24 years old and I am so tired I am starting to ache. My insides are finally oozing to my outsides and my exhaustion is taking over with pain and frailty. I hurt in the morning, physically hurt, and as I try to wade through my day the pain just turns into debilitating fatigue. I don’t know how to function anymore, I don’t know how to breath. I just want to sit and stare at the trees. I have to settle for trees because the ocean is too far away, and the muddy river is just a reminder of all the murk and sludge. The ocean is alive, it breathes, you feel it inhale and exhale with the waves, the moist breath wetting your face… it reminds me to breath. In and out with the waves… just breathe… one two one two… in out, in out… I can make it if I count the waves. But there are no waves, just trees, and a muddy murky river that always looks the same.
~Mimi writes at Down South~